He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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