Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize