I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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