i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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