Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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