Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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