There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You can't just leave with hair like that
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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