he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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