If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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