You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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