Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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