He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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