You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize