I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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