Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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