I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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