He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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