All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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