I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize