he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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