Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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