"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i will never coherently bang her
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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