If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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