i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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