Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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