Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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