woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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