last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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