i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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