This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize