Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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