Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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