Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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