i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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