i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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