i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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