we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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