i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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