I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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