I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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