I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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