So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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