Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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