It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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