Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
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Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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