Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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