someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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