I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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