I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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