Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize