TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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