PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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