Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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